Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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