There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
