Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
