like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
