well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
