Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
