um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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