I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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