They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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