A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
