So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
