Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
