I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
