But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
