Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
