Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
