Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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