grandma shit on top of the toilet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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