I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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