i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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