I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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