Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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