I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
