two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
