went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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