She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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