Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
