I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
