Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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