My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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