im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
