I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize