My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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