Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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