Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
