oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
