franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I want is dick and wine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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