Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
