hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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