Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
