Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
