you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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