I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
