If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
