Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im six kinds of drunk right now
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
