I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
