...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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