A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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