I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
operation have a gay friend backfired
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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