im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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