you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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