I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
