Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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