It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize