Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
