isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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