i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
