you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
