Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
