google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So here I am, sexting at work.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
