I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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