they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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