i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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