I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize