I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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