I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
