need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think my tv is drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize